domingo, 31 de dezembro de 2017

NYE

I am not sure I ever liked NYE, but I like it less this year. I am ill and feel terribly down. I wanted to do something different, something fun like going dancing or going to a party or simply watching fireworks. Instead I'll be home, have a beautiful meal and watch something silly on tv... but that's what we did earlier and last night and last week... I know I should be thankful that I get to spend this evening with my parents and boyfriend and that I could drop by a friend's house... i am grateful for all that, really, but i just wanted sonething different, something fun...

sexta-feira, 10 de novembro de 2017

Coincidences

Today this blog was needed which is not the best thing... I am not sure if it's being under the weather for 4 weeks now, work, christmas approaching or what, but i was totally overwhelmed this morning. I felt utterly alone, without anyone to call and say 'hey i am not ok.' I seriously considered calling my old therapist but thay felt too extreme. I wasn't that bad, not today. And i know i have friends that would have been there for me, but i don't like to bother them with these black moments, i don't like to put them in that situation where they are powerless to help because i don't actually know what's wrong.

A crying fit, lonely, 'put your head between your knees'  anxiety attack, whatever you wanna call it, it happened and there's no shame in admitting it. I sort of pulled myself together (don't I always?!), got ready, kissed the furbabies and drove off... and then, as a sign, a coincidence or just pure luck, basket case was blaring on the radio and i couldn't help to laugh out loud, shaking off all (well most) of those bad feelings.

It's true when they say the black dog never truly goes away, which is why i always acknowledge it and admit it, but then again I adopted a gorgeous lovely black GSD so black dogs must be a good thing!!!

https://youtu.be/NUTGr5t3MoY