domingo, 31 de dezembro de 2017


I am not sure I ever liked NYE, but I like it less this year. I am ill and feel terribly down. I wanted to do something different, something fun like going dancing or going to a party or simply watching fireworks. Instead I'll be home, have a beautiful meal and watch something silly on tv... but that's what we did earlier and last night and last week... I know I should be thankful that I get to spend this evening with my parents and boyfriend and that I could drop by a friend's house... i am grateful for all that, really, but i just wanted sonething different, something fun...

sexta-feira, 10 de novembro de 2017


Today this blog was needed which is not the best thing... I am not sure if it's being under the weather for 4 weeks now, work, christmas approaching or what, but i was totally overwhelmed this morning. I felt utterly alone, without anyone to call and say 'hey i am not ok.' I seriously considered calling my old therapist but thay felt too extreme. I wasn't that bad, not today. And i know i have friends that would have been there for me, but i don't like to bother them with these black moments, i don't like to put them in that situation where they are powerless to help because i don't actually know what's wrong.

A crying fit, lonely, 'put your head between your knees'  anxiety attack, whatever you wanna call it, it happened and there's no shame in admitting it. I sort of pulled myself together (don't I always?!), got ready, kissed the furbabies and drove off... and then, as a sign, a coincidence or just pure luck, basket case was blaring on the radio and i couldn't help to laugh out loud, shaking off all (well most) of those bad feelings.

It's true when they say the black dog never truly goes away, which is why i always acknowledge it and admit it, but then again I adopted a gorgeous lovely black GSD so black dogs must be a good thing!!!

quinta-feira, 19 de maio de 2016


I would never delete this blog, it carries too much of my soul. But I am not sure it still represents me or just drags my baggage along. I want to write again, yet I somewhat freeze when I log in here. There's a weight, a time, a situation associated with every word written that stops me moving forward. I instantly get pulled to a darker place when I am here, which is strange as most memories here are happy, deep though ones... I guess I'll just leave this here, so I can remember and check in if needed be. Because sometimes you need that... to check in to your past self, to retrace the steps of the learning journey to this moment. So maybe this is goodbye or see you soon, maybe time has come to write a new chapter and leave the past where it belongs.

sábado, 23 de janeiro de 2016

Silent words

Almost a year went by without posts, then 2 about new year resolutions... I want to get back to writing, I crave it, but the words are locked inside and still fail me

quinta-feira, 31 de dezembro de 2015

Resolutions amidst fears

To get thinner and healthier... To attend more craft fairs... To get more freelance jobs in different types of events... To read more... To organise my own events... To dance... To travel with P... To have a girls only weekend with I and C... To go walking more with the doggies... To start writing again... To be happy!

Update for 2016...

quinta-feira, 29 de janeiro de 2015

terça-feira, 27 de janeiro de 2015

Murro no estômago

Just re-read one of my 'draft only' posts (now 4 months old) and it hit me like a brick to the face... so accurate, so poignant and so helpless...

Se a Jenninha pode...

também posso mostrar o mamalhal sem suporte ao mundo!