Lockdown has caugt up with me...

... moved from bed to sofa and it took all my energy. Can't seem to hold that silent depressed cry anymore and that's all I feel like doing. Feel useless, haven't managed any of my plans for these weeks and am massively struggling to focus.

I am seen as the strong one so noone really asks 'how are you coping?', it's just a rhetorical greeting. I've checked in with my friends here and abroad, always in that one-way system. Bf is going through quarantine smoothly so I am not sure he notices. Because i still function.

I clean, I cook, I work/volunteer... auto-pilotting my life this last week with this knot in the throat, silencing this despair. Feeling lost, ultimately lost and not being able to brush it off, bounce back. I am free falling into the wallow...