Perception and reality

We grow up, we interact, we present ourselves to the world and others... we know our truth, our soul, but that doesn't mean we portray ourselves to others in true colours. Ever since I was young I knew how to put on a mask, host the big show of life, hiding away the nerves, the daunting shyness that at times seems to eat me alive. It should be no wonder that most people would see and describe me as a feisty, independent, strong, fun, and most times larger than life. yet it still is. It's scary that friends, true friends that have dealt with me for over 15 years, still would describe me that way, still would not see past the painfully calculated moves of this show. Since it's Oscars night, could it be I'm so good in this act that I am indeed more on my own than I thought? Could it be that being bubbly to hide tears and panics could lead to my biggest fear of all: no friends that truly know and love me for who I am? I feel a shattered pride on my life motto: 'take me for what I am', and I am not sure the pieces can be glued back.